Po's diet
by Mizar and Alcor
Summary: Shifu has had enough with Po and his greediness so he decides to put Po on a diet. Will the panda survive? read to find out
1. Chapter 1

Authors note: OK this story is really short and I apologize for it but recently I've had a bad cold like everyone else in my family. Even my dog has had one. Anyway I will be updating my other stories soon but this will keep you going for a while at least.

Early in the morning in the valley of peace the sun was just below the mountain peaks. Shifu went to wake the furious five up but found that Po wasn't there "Again ?! Where does that panda go in the morning ?!" Shifu said as the furious five just stood there quietly. Crane was the first to speak "actually master I saw Po leave his room about 4 O clock this morning as I went for a drink of water".

"Did he tell you where he was going" Shifu asked "well he didn't say much he just said he was going for a walk" Crane explained "well he'll show up. Lets go down to the kitchen for some breakfast" Shifu explained as his students bowed and said in unison "yes master".

At the kitchen...

As Shifu and the furious five entered the kitchen they found Po lying on the floor there was a complete mess everywhere, shattered jars,broken doors and shelves and there also was falling cupboards.

"WHAT IN THE NAME--- !!!!!" Shifu yelled at the panda who looked up at him "hi master boy I'm full" Po said "did you eat all of my almond cookies ?!" Monkey asked annoyingly at the broken jar that used to store his cookies. "And where is my jar of honey ?!" asked Mantis staring at the broken cupboard that used to store his sweet honey. "Did you eat my fish dip ?!" Crane asked looking at the corner of the room where he used to store his food. "Where is my snake juice ?!" Viper asked looking at the same corner as Crane where she also used to store her jar which was now in thousands of pieces. "And most of all where are my vitamins ?! Don't tell me you ate them as well ?!" Tigress glared at Po.

"Oh I don't feel good" Po said "well it serves you right for being such a pig" Mantis pointed at him as the others agreed with him.

Shifu wasn't impressed at all this panda had pushed it too far this time. Of course he had done this before but not this bad this time he had totally wreaked the place "You've pushed it too far this time panda I give you no choice but to go on a diet !" Shifu said Po looked up at this with a shocked look "WHAT ??!!" he said then passed out.

Authors note: OK I did tell you that this was a short chapter but I will continue soon please review and tell me what you think. Thank you.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: I HATE SALAD !!!!!!!!

Authors note: Finally got home from another busy day from school. I'm glad you all found the first chapter funny and I think you'll find this chapter amusing as well. So this chapter isn't as short but I did chapter one last night and I was tired so please enjoy this one.

After breakfast the furious five went to get cleaned up. Why you ask ? Well after Po decided to get up off the ground he threw up all over Crane,Viper and Mantis who weren't impressed. Monkey couldn't stop laughing and Tigress looked in disgust at the poor Mantis who was absolutely covered in it.

"Well I don't know about you guys but I feel sick myself now" Viper explained "well it's because that greedy gut panda can't control himself !!" Mantis said angrily "eww! I can smell my fish dip in this" Crane said holding his beak with the clean part of his wings. "I don't even want to know what he has had to eat to make him ill. I think tis is the worst day of my entire life !" Viper said.

After cleaning up the remainder of the panda puke that was on their bodies Viper, Mantis and Crane started to head to the training room but to find that no one was there "Where's Shifu ??" asked Mantis "I don't have a clue" Crane said looking around to find him. "Perhaps he is having a go at Po for what he did" suggested Viper.

Just then Tigress and Monkey came along "hi guys finished cleaning up the sick" Monkey snickered "oh shut up Monkey one day your laughter will get you into serious trouble" Viper hissed "any way" started Mantis "where is Shifu ?". "Oh he is trying to clean up the mess that Po made" Tigress explained "is Po helping him ?" asked Crane "No he is in his room with a sick bowl" Tigress said plainly. "Serves him right for being such a pig" Mantis said as a pig servant walked past looking at him offended by what he had said "no offence" Mantis said coolly.

"Anyway Shifu told us to get you to help us clean up the mess in the kitchen" Tigress said as they all walked with her to the kitchen.

"OH YOU STUPID IDIOTIC SHELVES !!!" Shifu yelled as he tried to fix a half fixed shelf back on the wall. As Shifu hit it down as hard as he could but regretted it soon after "OWWWW!!!! YOU DAMN SHELVES WHO EVER MADE YOU DESERVES TO DIE !!!!" Shifu yelled dropping the shelf on his toe. The furious five saw this commotion but didn't say a word even Monkey didn't laugh although he wanted to. "I take it that he's angry" Crane whispered to Mantis who was perched on his shoulder "no Crane I thought he was crying with joy" Mantis answered sarcastically at the glaring Crane.

"Do you need help master ?" Viper asked slowly "YES PLEASE GO AND KILL THE PERSON WHO MADE THESE !" Shifu yelled but not so harsh that time. "Em I don't think we could do that master" Tigress explained "we could at least kill Po for you" Mantis said "or at least torture him" Crane added. "Not a bad idea Crane what is the worst thing Po would eat ?" Shifu asked " his own sick you don't even want to know how bad that smelt" Mantis explained while Monkey chuckled. "No I mean an edible food that Po would have to live on for a couple of months" Shifu explained. "We could try my fish dip" Crane suggested "No I think that is what made him ill in the first place Crane that is only for birds" Shifu said.

"What about salad" suggested Viper "I don't think he has ever tried it and I don't think he'll like it either" the five and Shifu all agreed to this "excellent idea Viper" Shifu said plainly.

At sunset...

Po felt a little better than he did earlier but he still couldn't believe Shifu told him that he was going on a diet. It wasn't like he was really fat was he ??? (yes but don't tell him that). Anyway he felt better so he decided to sneak out and get a small snack without getting caught by Shifu or the others. "They must still be in training" thought Po as he snuck into the kitchen. Po saw that the mess he had created earlier had been cleared up "oh I feel bad now Shifu and the others cleaned up the mess I made" Po whispered quietly to himself. Po looked in the cupboard that was now glued together to find only one thing inside it, "what the..." Po said out loud before hearing someone or some people chuckling behind him.

"So you decided to come down for a evening snack Po. I take it your better" Shifu began "Where has all the food gone ?" Po asked flustered "Oh we decided that you would be better eating this" Shifu said waving a bowl of salad in front of the panda. "What ??!" Po asked confused "you will be eating this in your diet quite often now" explained Shifu "BUT ???!!!!" Po shouted "you will enjoy it and you will get slimmer sooner than you know it" Shifu interrupted the shocked panda.

The next day....

At lunch the furious five were all eating noodles and Shifu was eating a bowl of rice. Po just sat there with a bowl of (in his opinion) nothing. He actually had a few lettuce leaves and a piece of carrot and broccoli and he also had a peach for pudding.

"I'm not eating that no way" Po shook his head like a little toddler "go on panda the broccoli will make you strong" Shifu explained "but I'm already strong. I am the dragon warrior !" Po stood up showing off his muscles (although he doesn't have any) to the furious five. "Sit down panda you eat that or you get nothing else" Shifu explained Po just frowned "OK starve me see if I care but you wont be going to my funeral" Po said dramatically. "OK you starve yourself Po but I am not going back to the food you used to have until you lose five or more stone in weight" Shifu said as he left the room. "hands up who all think this diet thing is unfair" Po said putting his hand up but everyone else kept their hands down. "thanks for your support" Po huffed sarcastically.

Authors note: OK I hope this satisfies you all becase I've had more time on it. Time is your worst enemy when writing stories. Anyway please review I appreciate them very much to here your views. Thank you.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Sneaking out and getting disappointed

Authors note: Thank you so much for the reviews. I've just come home from school but I really want to add another chapter so.... read and enjoy.

Po had enough of eating only stupid salad. Especially broccoli, he absolutely hated it and always left it at dinner but Shifu would just sit there until he ate it all up.

"WHY ME !!!!" Po yelled slamming his head down on the table as Shifu sat there with a grin plastered to his face. "Calm down panda it is only one more bite of the good stuff" Shifu explained "what good stuff ? You call this healthy ?!" Po asked waving the broccoli in front of Shifu's nose. "Why yes panda I do find it healthy it's better than noodles or dumplings" Shifu said still smiling "no the things I eat are healthy !" Po said "well if they were healthy I wouldn't be putting you on a diet right now" Shifu explained "are you suggesting I'm fat ??!! Well I have some information for you _**MASTER SHIFU**_ I am not fat,of course I'm not as skinny as Crane but I am not as fat as you make out and I don't need a stupid diet !!!" Po shouted to the stunned master "well let's see can you touch your toes ?" Shifu asked. Po got up and tried to reach his toes and stay balanced at the same time. It didn't work he fell over face first and broke a panel of wood in the process. "OK well maybe I do need to lose a little weight but come on! Stop feeding me stupid broccoli please! I beg of you!!" Po pleaded getting on his Knees and begging for mercy. "Alright panda but only if you promise me you won't sneak out at night and eat then make yourself ill" Shifu said as the panda slowly nodded. "Anyway speaking of which is that why Crane,Mantis and Viper haven't spoken to me since I threw up on them ??" Po asked "Well why don't you ask them for yourself Po" Shifu said as he stood up and left the room.

Later that evening...

Po hadn't really gathered much confidence to apologize to Crane,Mantis and Viper for throwing up on them three days ago.

Shifu stopped the panda as he made his way to the kitchen for dinner, "Po we were all waiting for you" Shifu said as the frowning panda sat down. "Sorry master I was just walking around" Po explained "well I'm so glad you decided to join us" Shifu said with a little enthusiasm that Po didn't even seem to notice. Tigress and Monkey sat Po's side if the table acting normal but on the other side sat Mantis Viper and crane who all glared at Po and frowning at the same time.

"So Po how's the diet coming along ?" Monkey cheekily asked laughing quietly to himself "oh just great I bet I have just lost over ten pounds over these past three days with the way Shifu is starving me !!" Po said sternly glaring at Shifu, Shifu just glared back and just plainly said "I think I will chose to ignore that comment". "Well I bet you haven't _**threw up**_over these past couple of days have you Po ?!" Crane said both angrily and sarcastically at the same time "Yeah I bet you haven't even _**ate any **_of _**our **_food_** !!"**_ Mantis added. "Look I'm sorry for throwing up on you and eating your food and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings or anything so I'm sorry" Po said looking at them as they turned their expressions from angry__to glad. "That's all we wanted... an apology" said Viper.

Later that night...

After dinner Po still felt hungry (starving is a better word to describe it) and wanted to get something to eat, but he promised Shifu he wouldn't sneak out and get anything to eat and he didn't want it to turn out like the other night when he tried to do it. "no I'll be fine it's just my stomach playing tricks on me that's all" Po whispered to himself.

All of a sudden Po's (sensitive) nose started leading him out of the door, he could smell something, something good. It was an unusual smell and it smelt similar to Cranes fish dip. "It can't be Cranes fish dip can it ??" Po thought to himself. Cranes fish dip made him ill in the first place and tasted revolting but it smelt good,and that is why Po ate it in the first place. But this smell was different in a way, getting closer to the source of the smell Po could smell something else,it smelt like Noodles or dumplings and the fish smell was gone.

Po's nose had lead him through to the kitchen but know one was there but there was a steaming pot on the stove. As Po slowly walked over to it someone jumped and let out a small squeak or quacking sound then slowly stepped into the light. It was Zeng the palace messenger (and a very jumpy one at that). "Zeng what are you doing in here ?" Po asked "I was going to ask you the same thing dragon warrior, I thought you were on a diet" Zeng said shaking slightly. "How do you know that ?" Po asked unsure "well Shifu told me, and I have also been the one going into town every morning getting your vegetables" Zeng explained. Po decided to change the subject "what are you cooking in there ?" he asked slowly looking over the pot "Oh I'm cooking Duck seed with some pond weed and a few string beans with noodles. I felt like having a midnight snack and this is good for me, anyway why are you in here ?" Zeng asked. He had just asked Po the dreaded question that he didn't want to answer, he knew if he told him he was getting a snack Zeng would just tell Shifu and then he would be in deep trouble. "Em... I just came for a... glass of water" Po said getting a glass out of the cupboard, "oh I thought you came for something to eat but... it doesn't matter" Zeng said plainly sitting down with his bowl of food. "Well I had better be going back to bed" Po said leaving the room tripping over a chair in the process "OK good night dragon warrior" Zeng replied and then continued to eat.

Out side the kitchen Po felt completely embarrassed, annoyed and most of all disappointed. He just blew his chances of getting something tasty in his stomach for the past three days. Po walked slowly back to his room to try and at least get some rest let alone sleep.

Authors note: OK I know this chapter isn't that funny but I'm running out of ideas could you please give me some on how to make it more funny. Thankyou. __


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: missing my noodles

Authors note: OK I am seriously running out of ideas here so please tell me what you would like me to put in the next chapter please!!! **gets down on hands and knees. **Anyway this is three weeks after Po first went on a diet (I didn't think he would get this far but he did) and he is missing his noodles. So enjoy.

Three weeks after Po went on a diet he couldn't stand the salad and he was close to having a breakdown. Shifu, Monkey and Mantis enjoyed watching the panda weeping for his noodles and Tigress didn't feel any sympathy for the panda at all. However Crane and Viper were missing the old Po but decided to keep it to themselves incase Shifu found out, after all Shifu could put them on a diet and they didn't want that.

Three days after that incident with Zeng, Po worried incase Zeng had told Shifu and he would have found out. He would kill him if he found out that Po was sneaking out to get a dumpling. Every time he saw Zeng he thought that he would be dead but the jumpy goose never seemed to say anything only if Shifu told him to. "Why don't I just relax he is never going to tell him is he ? No not Zeng he is way to jumpy. What should I worry about ? Everything is fine just relax." Po thought to himself.

One day Po was walking down the hall that lead to his room when he found Shifu standing there with a stern expression on his face. His arms were crossed and he had his flute in his right hand. Po jumped back as he saw his master "sorry master you startled me" Po said calmly. Shifu walked over to him but said nothing "Is everything OK master ?" Po asked starting to get nervous. "Oh no panda I just thought we would have a little chat that's all" Shifu said smiling for a split second then frowning again. "OK what shall we talk about ?" Po asked smiling a little "Well I just saw Zeng a few minuets ago..." Shifu started Po's face went pale and his smile disappeared in a flash as soon as Shifu mentioned Zeng he knew what was coming,"Yes and what about him master ?" Po said trying to act natural "Well he said that when he was cooking the other night you were acting very weird but you were only getting a dink of water... Weren't you ?" Shifu asked knowing full well what the panda was doing that night.

As Po and Shifu discussed about what happened that night Crane was walking into his room and heard Shifu and Po's voices in the other room. Crane put his hat down on the floor and went to the wall and listened to the conversation.

"Well I did go down for a drink master because I was thirsty" Po explained "Yes but you know what I think panda ?" Shifu asked "What master ?" Po asked lowering his head a little "I think you snuck in there to get a dumpling or two" Shifu explained glaring at the panda who looked up "Did you Po ?" Shifu asked, the panda just nodded his head slowly.

"What are you doing Crane ?" Viper asked slithering into his room with a bowl of noodles "SHHH I'm listening here! anyway what are you doing here ?" Crane whispered quietly "Well I just came to give you your dinner and I find you ear wigging at the side of the wall" Viper answered Crane turned around and walked over to the snake "I think Po is dead" Crane explained "WHAT ??!!!" Viper shouted this caused Crane to grab the snake and shut her mouth up. "No not dead literally I mean he's dead with Shifu... listen" Crane said as he and Viper went over to the wall and listened to Po and Shifu.

"I thought you promised me you wouldn't sneak out at night and grab a snack" Shifu looked both disappointed and angry Po just lowered his head "well I didn't thanks to that shaky goose" Po said "And besides it was only one dumpling what is the big deal ?" Po asked "The big deal is that you promised me you wouldn't do that and you will now suffer the consequences !" Shifu explained looking at the shocked panda "What consequences ?!" Po shouted. "Well I was going to let you go back to your normal lifestyle next week but considering you have just broke a promise you will be on a diet for the next three months" Shifu explained to the grief stricken panda.

"Poor Po" Viper said "well that is a bit unfair" Crane said taking his head away from the door "A bit unfair you mean a lot unfair !!" Viper replied "I know but it's best not to get involved unless you want to be starved to death as well" Crane explained "I know your right Crane but this has gone way too far now" Viper said as she and crane both left the room. Walking down the corridor Crane and Viper both turned around to here someone shout...

"BUT I MISS MY NOODLES !!!!!!!"

Authors note: OK I really do need some ideas for the next chapter so please tell me what you would like to happen next. Thank you all very much for the reviews and please keep them coming.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Fatherly advice

Authors note: Thank you Drama sapphire and Animation universe 2005 for your ideas they have gave me some ideas on how this story will go thank you. Anyway this chapter is based kind of on Drama sapphires idea so enjoy.

The following morning after Shifu had a private word with Po Shifu went to wake the furious five up. "Good morning master" Tigress, Mantis and Monkey said in unison "ER master where is Po,Crane and Viper ?" Tigress asked "I don't know" Shifu said as he opened Po, Crane and Vipers doors to find there was no one there. "Perhaps they went to train early or something" Mantis wondered "yes perhaps they did" Shifu said rubbing his chin.

"Thanks guys for coming with me" Po said as he, Crane and Viper descended down the steps of the Jade palace "Oh no problem we heard the argument you and Shifu had last night and we both think this is extremely unfair" Viper explained. "Well I didn't even get a snack thanks to that shaky messenger goose" Po said "I mean who cooks at midnight ?" he added. "Well Shifu gives that goose a hard time during the day so he eats at night when we are all asleep" Crane explained "how would you know Crane you never talk to Zeng" Viper said looking at Crane "well I wouldn't say never I used to help him with some errands when I first came to the Jade palace but not any more" Crane said looking down a little "how come Crane ?" Po asked "well Shifu expects Zeng to do all of the work and tells me never to get involved. To tell you the truth I was actually friends with the jumpy goose" Crane said. "Oh I'm so sorry Crane" Viper said "What's to be sorry for Viper that was way before I became friends with you, Po or any of the furious five" Crane said.

"Anyway we're almost at my dads noodle shop. I so can't wait for you guys to meet him" Po cheerfully said "neither can us, and if he can help you with your diet that would be even better for all of us" Crane replied "yes Shifu wont throw a temper at us or you Po if he sees that your trying to lose weight" Viper added "yeah I know but to tell you the truth I don't want to lose weight" Po said sadly "Well we like you the way you are don't we Crane ?" Viper asked "oh... yes we do" Crane said "thanks guys you are true friends" Po smiled.

In the noodle shop...

"Dad are you there ?!" Po shouted looking for his dad "Po is that you ?!" Shouted a voice coming from the kitchen "yeah dad it's me" Po smiled at the approaching goose "OH Po I missed you" the goose who was MR. Ping hugged the panda. While they shared an embrace Crane and Viper tried to hold they're laughs inside of them "The goose is Po's father ?" smirked Crane "Yeah and my dad's a elephant" Viper smirked "I thought your dad was the _Great master Viper_" Crane said a bit more seriously "I was joking Crane what's your dad a gorilla ?!" Viper hissed slightly "oh do I really look like an ape your mistaking me for monkey" Crane said only to be interrupted by Mr. Ping.

"So Po are these your little friends ?" MR. Ping asked looking at Crane and Viper "yeah dad this is Crane and Viper" Po said pointing at them both "Po where is your girlfriend... em that tiger girl ?" MR. Ping asked as Po started to blush and Crane and Viper both started to laugh "dad don't" Po said glowing red. "Do you mean Tigress ?" Viper laughed "is that her name ? Po has a major crush or what ever you kids call it these days on her" MR. Ping blurted out not realizing what he was doing to Po. "Po has a giant poster of Tigress in his room and also has a plushy of her and kisses it al the time" MR. Ping continued as both Viper and Crane were close to exploding with laughter. "OK DAD THATS ENOUGH !!!!" Po shouted blushing rapidly and closing his dads beak to stop the embarrassment. "Anyway we came here for a reason... master Shifu has put me on a diet and I really need a recipe for some good weight losing meals" Po explained "well I'm afraid I don't have any weight losing recipe books but I do have something better" MR. Ping said "really what's that ?" Po asked getting his hopes up "ME !!" MR. Ping replied.

"What ?" Po asked confused "I could come up and cook for you for a while until your diet is over" MR. Ping explained "yeah for three whole months AHH!!" Po thought he was going to be the laughing stock of the Jade Palace "yeah that's great dad we will really enjoy your company." Po explained trying to be enthusiastic. "Well I had better go and pack then" MR. Ping said running to his room to pack. "Po your dad is great" Crane said still laughing "yeah he's the best" Po said before fainting.

This was going to be the worst three months of his life.

Authors note: OK this chapter is more funnier than some I've done so I hope you enjoyed it. Please review. Thank you.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: The embarrassing moments 

Authors note: OK we got let out from school today because it is snowing here yay ! Anyway I decided to do another chapter will Po finally snap ???.

After MR. Ping decided to live with Po for a while he cooked for the furious five too. The furious five enjoyed MR. Pings stories of Po's past but on the other hand Po was in living hell. One night after training Po went for a walk to clear his head, but as he walked into the kitchen he saw MR. Ping and the furious five engrossed in conversation "So what happened next ?" Crane asked smirking at Po who sat down on his chair "well Po goes over to a really good looking woman and then falls over rolling on top of her" MR Ping explained as laughter filled the room. Po blushed putting is head in his paws for a moment the he looked up "dad I tripped over your stupid noodle cart !" Po shouted.

"I really like your dad Po he has got a real good sense of humor" Monkey whispered "look who's talking the clown of the furious five" Po retorted as Monkey just glared back. "Order up" MR. Ping said giving a bowl of noodles to everyone except Po "wait where's mine ?" Po asked impatiently "Oh I almost forgot you Po" MR. Ping said reaching for a bowl "that's nice to know" Po sarcastically frowned. "Here you go" MR. Ping said handing it to Po "WHAT THE ??!!" Po shouted "one dumpling !!??" "Po master Shifu told me you were going on a restricted food diet so I did you one dumpling I hope that's OK with you" MR. Ping told him. At this Po fumed "OK that's it this has gone way too far !!!" Po shouted leaving the room. The furious five looked at each other for a second then Mantis said "So tell us more ridiculous moments about Po" the other nodded in agreement as MR. Ping continued "Well...oh, yes it began..."

Meanwhile...

Master Shifu was in the sacred hall of warriors meditating (as usual) "inner peace, inner peace, inner peace, --" Shifu said while turning around to listen to a thumping sound "will whoever is making that thumping sound quiet down" he said turning around again "inner...--" he was interrupted again to find an angry panda standing before him "oh Po you decided to join me did you ??" Shifu said plainly.

"No master" Po glared "what's wrong Po ?" Shifu asked with very little concern in his voice. "what is wrong, WHAT IS WRONG !! I'll tell you what is wrong MR my father is embarrassing me and you master have treated me like an idiot !!!" Po shouted "how have I ???" Shifu asked knowing full well what was coming "well one you have put me on a diet because I'm a little overweight, second you give me food I hate and make me suffer for it and third I bring my dad around to cook me healthy food and then you tell him that I a on a restricted diet so he gives everyone except me a bowl of noodles and gives me a stupid dumpling !!!!!!" Po shouted before breaking down into tears.

Shifu didn't say anything for at least five minuets or so he just stood there watching the panda roll around the floor like a toddler having a tantrum. "You may go now panda" Shifu finally broke the silence as he stood up and began to walk over to the little pool above where the dragon scroll used to be "is that it !!?? Your not gong to apologize ??!!!" Po looked up glaring at Shifu "apologize for what ??... for letting you get so fat or for helping you ??" Shifu said coolly "oh yes that really helps me doesn't it and it also helps my health starvation does !!" Po said really sarcastic. Shifu just glared at the panda "I am not the one who caused this you are panda. The only person to blame is yourself not anyone else" Shifu explained.

"Good night Po" Shifu said shutting the door as he left "NO wait this isn't over just yet" Po said getting up "GOOD NIGHT DRAGON WARRIOR" Shifu shouted through the doors walking to the sacred peach tree of heavenly wisdom.

Authors note: OK I like this chapter how about you ? Anyway I have an idea for a new story... I was watching Monsters vs Aliens the other night and I thought I could do a slight crossover with kung fu panda. Please tell me what you think of this idea. Thank you all for reading and please review.

PS: if you are thinking this story has finished well it hasn't I think I will do a few more chapters before I actually finish with this story.


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